CHRISTIAN PARENTING

On April 25, 2004, the Peoria Journal Star published my article about knowing the warning signs of sexual abuse in your children.

Look for warning signs signaling your child is being abused

By VICKI BERCHTOLD

It is a parent's worst nightmare to be told that a daughter or son has been physically or sexually abused. Most people are uncomfortable even talking about sexual abuse, but the problem is prevalent in our society. Statistics vary, but most agree that one in every three to four girls and one in every five to 10 boys are victims of sexual abuse. The majority are abused by someone they know.

Recently, the Journal Star ran several articles regarding sexual abuse cases. Ron E. Boertlein, a licensed foster parent baby-sitting for another family, pleaded guilty to two counts of predator criminal sexual assault. Authorities said the Secor man forced a 12-year-old boy to engage in sexual acts in a tree house. Kevin W. Schmeilski of Hanna City was sentenced for making child pornography with three girls aged 10 to 13. He had previously been sentenced for predatory criminal sexual assault of one of the children.

As a social worker of 12 years, I have assessed and counseled children who had been physically and sexually abused. Many of their horrific accounts linger in my mind even years later. As parents and caregivers, we must realize that there are sexual predators in our town, our neighborhood and possibly our family.

Many of the parents I came to know realized after their children had been victimized over a period of time and that there had been warning signs they did not recognize. Every parent - and anyone else in a care-giving position - should know these signs. They are:

Sleeping problems: Trouble going to sleep, fear of sleeping, wetting the bed, nightmares and night terrors.
Eating problems: Loss of appetite, trouble eating or swallowing, weight gain or loss and unexplained stomach problems.
Personality and mood changes: Major change in personality from outgoing to an introvert or from calm to very angry. Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, anger and withdrawn, or experiencing new, unexplained feeling of shame, guilt or fear. Reverting to younger behaviors, such as bed wetting, thumb sucking or clinging to adults.
Destructive behaviors: Self-destructive behaviors (cutting or burning themselves), destroying property, starting fires or hurting animals.
New possessions: Having unexplained money, new toys or clothing.
New friends: An older child or adult.
Problems at school: Changes in grades or behavior, intense fear about school or fear of going to school.
Fears: New or increased fears of monsters, people or places.

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