CHRISTIAN PARENTING

POSITIVE PRAISE FOR CHILDREN

By Vicki Berchtold

"I've had it! That is it! Go to your room! How many times have I told you …" Do you ever feel like the only communication you are having with your child is negative? If you have felt this way, you are not alone, many parents have experienced these feelings. At times, we can get into a negative communication cycle or pattern. This cycle is when the parent responds to the child's negative behaviors, with a negative comment or gesture, which then produces more negative behaviors from the child. Sometimes, we so gradually slide into this negative communication pattern that we do not even realize it has happened. No one wants to be explosive, angry or negative with their child. God has graciously given us our children to raise in a loving, caring and supportive home. So what can we do to stop this negative communication?

One suggestion is to catch your child exhibiting neutral or positive behaviors and then praise him/her. This takes a little work on your part, which means being observant and tuned-in to watching for good behaviors. Verbal praise can consist of making positive comments regarding your child's behaviors, attitudes, manors, reactions and choices. Praise does not even have to be in verbal form, it could be a pat on the head or back, a hug, a loving smile of approval or a note in his/her backpack.

It is a well know fact that a child seeks attention and approval from people, including their parents. If a child is getting attention, even if the attention is negative, then the negative behavior is reinforced and will probably continue.

Catching a child being good and giving them positive feedback, will reinforce their good behavior. The list is endless of possible areas to watch regarding positive feedback. A few are: responding properly to siblings, exhibiting good manners, doing their chores without complaining, setting the table without being asked, getting good grades, keeping their room clean (or cleaner) and showing a respectful attitude. Other suggestions for positive feedback are displaying your child's artwork, report cards or class projects. If your child is old enough, encourage him to talk with you regarding what he did during the day, how things went at school or with his friends. Let your child know that you love him/her and are proud of them. If a child displays negative behavior, which is bound to happen, let him know that you (and God) do not like the behavior, but that you do love him/her.

So the next time you feel like yelling or making a negative comment or gesture - stop and consider if you are giving your child negative attention for his bad behaviors. Start breaking the cycle and begin finding positive behaviors to praise and give your approval for.